10. David Beckham (LA Galaxy/Milan) - Good old Becks (literally. He does need to start some sort of anti-aging skincare regimen). David's comfortable posing in his underwear for money, would never show up to an event dressed in last season's colours, can handle the haters with ease and we love that an Englishman is seen the world over as the poster-boy for sexy athleticism and extreme wealth.
9. Gerard Pique (Barcelona) - Voted second only to Iker Casillas in the Don Balon media poll for the Sexiest Spanish Footballer, the man’s body is definitely easy on the eyes, soul and girl-loins. However, it’s his facial fiesta of baby blues, scruffy beard and lips that look like they’ve regulars at a celebrity dermatologist's office that make Pique so gorgeous.
8. Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal) - Goodness, this man is a great footy player - which adds a big notch in the 'baller bedpost scale. He loves donuts, Disney and dressing up in costume (both leather and furry.) He's a rare combination of dorky and delicious. Plus, his name sounds like sex.
7. Kenwyne Jones (Sunderland) - The big man at Sunderland has a mega-watt smile and takes the “tall, dark and handsome” moniker to another level. We didn't need to see him break out the pole dancing moves to consider him stalk-worthy, but it sure helped. When he brings his A-game, he makes it look so easy. We also like thinking that he's easy.
6. Yoann Gourcuff (Bordeaux) - "Lashes" Gourcuff (as he's known in our quarters) is a GQ Mofo that has the modesty to merely sit front row at Milan fashion week when everyone knows he could (and should) be modeling on the catwalk. Yoann also has a highly regarded belief system that wearing clothes on the pitch is not mandatory. We quite fancy the French accent.
5 = Roque Santa Cruz (Manchester City) - You've seen him, right?
5 = Fabio Cannavaro (Juventus) - He's been described by our readers as having "an epic ass". Who are we to argue?
4. Tim Cahill (Everton) - How do we love Tim Cahill? Let us count the abs. Er, ways. But no, let's focus on the abs. And it's what he wants, really. His team-mates may be shivering like big girls in their multi-layers of evil, skin-masking underarmour but Tim is a real man. And real men need to go shirtless after every. single. match. Bonus points for the tatts.
3. Marco Borriello (Milan) - Because every girl dreams of having a public nudity/yacht sex tabloid story under her Marc Jacobs belt. Marco can provide that.
2. Iker Casillas (Real Madrid) - Women love a brooding loner. In Iker's case we're dealing with an insanely talented and popular goalkeeper, who breaks out into angst-ridden spasms of frustration while peppering his conversation with himself with a few emo tears. The man can’t dress to save his life but he’s very, very pretty. One for a lifetime, he is.
1. Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid) - You can't have a footballer hot list without including C-Ron. Sure, you might be late for dinner waiting for Cristiano to finish fannying about with his hair. Yes, you might come in second to manbag shopping. But it's a fact most universally recognized amongst the footy-player objectification panels that Ronaldo's got the best body on the pitch.